Write your hotel, pub or restaurant review on Love Feck In England

Love Feck In England is a new satellite site for global Internet TV Channel, FeckTV.com, which is launching England's page this very week (so rumour has it).

Open to anyone, the site allows people to share their favourite pubs, clubs, hotels and restaurants in the UK.  From there, that review is offered to the chosen establishment for them to endorse.

If said establishment is happy to run with the publishing guidelines, both the author of the review and the establishment itself are featured on the main FeckTV.com website.

Until the England page is published, you can see an example of a review on FeckTV.com Ireland's Longford page with the reviews and photos straight across the centre of the page. However, we in England want to make our page the biggest and best in the whole of the FeckTV.com global empire.

With talented writers, article marketing knowledge second to none and a desire to be the best, it will be done.  We still have room on our team for a few more.  If this sounds like something you can do, drop me a line in the comments.

FeckTV England wants to be the best in the world

Sorry, I digress.  Our review criteria, therefore, will be perhaps a little more demanding than the ones uploaded to date.  It's not that we're trying to score points or level criticism at those uploaded, we just know what fussy buggers the English are.  Because we are, too.

If the content is not word-, detail- and picture-perfect, we're leaving ourselves open to Briticism at its most cutting.  No thank you, sailor.

Even if the establishment is unhappy with the review or the terms, fear not; your time will not have been in vain.  The review will be posted on the Love Feck In England site anyway, guaranteeing that you, the review writer, gets your name credited as an author, either way.

And if you know the proprietor of the establishment that you've reviewed, they may even give you a starter or buy you a drink for taking the time out to write it. Win, win, win all around.  You're happy, the proprietor's happy and fecktv.com is happy.

That is, of course, if it is a complimentary hotel, restaurant or pub review.  If you slate it, don't be surprised if you get flat beer, mouth-ripping Masala or the room with the leaky tap or lumpy mattress on your next visit.

Can't say fairer than that, can we?

Never written a review before? Don't Fret.

Comprehensive guidelines for the type of content you could include are included on the Love Feck In England article submission pageThese are guidelines only and although preferred, we realise that not everyone is going to be able to provide everything we ask for.

There are also 'tags' you can tick beneath the box where you input your article.  These tags help the establishment owner realise what sort of atmosphere and ambience their business is portraying.  They may think that they're a 4-star hotel and cheap with it cheap.  Yet you may assess them as 3-star and fecking expensive.  Or vice versa.

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Depending on whether you are contributing a hotel review you have stayed at, writing about a pub or club you frequent or if there's a restaurant that has Jalfrezi to die for but gives you ring-sting for a week, there's advice to help you write the review article.

If you do get stuck, just save a copy on a word document and send us your query via the 'Any Feckin' Questions?' page.  We'll do our best to respond the same day, if not, yesterday.  Given the nature of servers, it may be an idea to at least draft the article in a text editor like WordPad or MS Word first and copy and paste it into the Text Box.

And don't worry if it's just spelling or grammar.  Well, unless it's the name of the establishment or location - Brixton is like Bilston and a night at the X-Factor bar could be totally different if the a in X-Factor was replaced with a u.  Just sayin'.

There are Internet content guidelines that we have to adhere to as well as our own drive to at least  resemble a professional outfit as best we possibly can.  We will make all of the corrections necessary to polish the review so that it positively shines amidst all of those other dreary, misspelt travel review articles.

So isn't Love Feck In England like other travel review sites?

No.  There are critical ways in which we differ from Trip Advisor, Google reviews, Cheap Hotels, etc.

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We offer a far more personal service for both the reviewee and reviewer. If a review is written on another hotel review site, it's there whether the proprietor likes it or not.

If it stinks, the pompous git who wrote it may well be clinically insane, didn't get laid on hols or have a sense of their own self-worth that has nothing to do with the hotel that happens to be hit with the shitty end of their frustrated stick.

For certain, my wife visits sites like this all of the time and what some people expect for the money being asked is laughable.  That is why we've done away with category ratings.

So instead of asking our reviewers to ponder over impossible rating scales like: was it 4/5 for service, 3/5 for cleanliness, 2/5 for locality, three steps into the nearest bar, etc., we just want words.

It's not just us, either; words provide constructive feedback.  The owner of the pub. club, hotel or restaurant can respond to a well-penned comment, good or bad.  How do they respond to '3/5'?

Future visitors, party-goers and guests also want detail, detail, detail, not scores.  And you, dear reviewer, want to express what you genuinely thought of the establishment without having to fit comments into some outdated ranking system.

FeckTV.com tailoring featured premises to a specific market

Let me ask you this: have you ever tried to look through every hotel on Trip Advisor for Dublin? 

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You could have booked your flight and missed it by the time you've gone through the lot  That is not the type of site FeckTV.com intends to be.

For each page, i.e. city, we have allocated a certain amount of space.  For the different grades of hotels, for restaurants, for pubs and for nightclubs we intend to provide, over time, the best each city has to offer.  There are an awful lot of FeckTV.com staff currently rolling around Ireland half-pissed to bring you this information.  Heroes for the cause, the lot of 'em..

The reason is simple.  The way people use the premises we're featuring has changed.  The 20-35 target demographic we're aiming for wants to search online, find somewhere quickly and effortlessly and get it booked.  Trawling through list after list of hotel is for the codgers who've got all day to do it whilst listening to Terry Wogan in the background.

When young adults hit the town nowadays, even if it's not so far from home, it's more like a City Break than a night out.  They want to park up, check in, get fed, have a new pair of teef, get showered, tanned, changed and then go get rat-arsed without having to worry about driving home.  And, if they've lucked out, finally crash at the hotel they've booked into.

And that's it in a nutshell.  If you're heading somewhere, FeckTV.com expects to be that one stop shop - providing the savvy Saturday night surfer instant access to the hotelier, landlord and restaurateur.  In order to become that, we need the contributions of 20-35-year olds across the UK to build the platform for their convenience now and for future generations.

You can genuinely be a part of the UK's cultural heritage with your name embedded in our review site forever by offering a review on Love Feck In England.  Sod the war, it's now that Your Country Needs You! Get to it, soldier.